The 3 Most Important Facets of Conflict ResolutionDavid - About Relationships - April 11, 2019
This article goes about three important aspects of interpersonal conflicts. The roots of conflicts, the important actions to take when you face a conflict, and the upsides and downsides of coming into conflict with someone else.
This article provides you with effective ways to resolve your conflicts, interesting thoughts on the topic, and essential principles to keep in mind when things turn bad. By reading this article you will change your mindset toward future disagreements, and you will deal with conflicts better.
All the points discussed in this article are detailed and illustrated with examples in this book.
Where Do Conflicts Stem From?
To start with, human beings are complex creatures with feelings, goals, expectations, and affinities. They were born different, biologically speaking, and they were raised different as well. They pertain to various cultures and environments which make them even more distinct from one another.
Every person is different in essence, and there's nothing wrong about that. Somehow, conflicts are unavoidable.
Conflicts happen for these major reasons:
Interlocutors compete for interests (money, goods, etc).
Interlocutors are not on the same wavelength, they don't have the same opinion on a given topic.
Interlocutors don't speak their mind and heart clearly. They're afraid of being hurt or to hurt the other in case they show crude honesty.
Interlocutors won't admit their mistakes because of their excessive pride.
Interlocutors endure external factors such as exhaust, pressure, illness, which make them irritable and hot-tempered.
Interlocutors lie to each other and break their trust.
Interlocutors have different goals and expectations, and they do not accept divergence. They try to impose their opinion on the other person.
Interlocutors do not know each other's boundaries and they exceed the limits unwittingly.
And the list can get longer. Actually, I bet you've been through at least one of these points, not to say each and every one.
Takeaway: Conflicts happen, it's just how it's supposed to be and it's not an issue. You will come into conflict with people. Hopefully, there's a lot you can do to prevent things from worsening and to avoid conflicts completely.
Terrible Conflicts - The Downsides
Conflicts make you lose time and energy as you don't say what you feel but expect your interlocutor to read between the lines instead of stating clearly what's on your mind.
Conflicts make you lose time and energy during the cold war, doing nothing, waiting for the other person to do something without you asking for it.
Conflicts make you lose time and energy insulting, being gross, and talking bad even though you know it won't improve the situation.
Conflicts make you lose time and energy overthinking and scratching your head over made-up illusory problems built upon your fears and worries.
Wonderful Conflicts - The Upsides
Conflicts show you care enough to get hurt and worried.
Conflicts show you care enough to make efforts and undertake changes for your interlocutor if it can get you back together.
Conflicts are obstacles which fortify your relationships and make them last if you can overcome punctual tiffs and regain trust over time.
Conflicts make you enjoy peaceful moments with more intensity because they remind you that sometimes not everything's on the right track.
How To Resolve Conflicts?
Please note, this part revolves around practical ways to resolve conflicts. If you're not willing to make efforts and to show genuine good intentions toward reconciliation, you'll never see improvements.
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
-- Dale Carnegie
Give this list a try, and you will deal with interpersonal conflicts better:
1. Avoid the conflict. Instead of rejecting your interlocutor's ideas, show openness and respect. Do not compete for the upper hand as it is just pointless. It will not benefit anyone and it might, in the best case, make you feel better for two minutes at the expenses of your interlocutor.
2. Ditch your ego. There's nothing wrong in being wrong or in making mistakes. To err is human and you're no exception. Instead of defending yourself when you know you're wrong, just admit your faults. Indeed, it makes you bolder and stronger as you're mature enough to concede your past errors. Ask yourself: "Did I misbehave?", and get rid of your pride and arrogance.
3. Do not hurt. Frequently, you might find yourself clashing and fighting instead of exchanging opinions and debating. Conflicts are not fights. When you come into conflict, always ask yourself if your next action could hurt your interlocutor. Peaceful communication is crucial and, yelling at your interlocutor and talking bad have never been synonyms of peace.
4. Set boundaries. You must have hurt people without knowing and this is normal. As fundamentally different beings, you and your interlocutors do not have the same sensitiveness and boundaries. Hence, it is necessary that if you want to overcome conflicts with more confidence, you must know your interlocutor better and define what can be done and said, and what can not.
5. Speak your heart. The main obstacle to a proper discussion is the lack of clear talk. Most people are afraid of expressing their emotions because they are afraid it will make things even worse. In reality, telling what you feel gives clues to your interlocutor so he can help you. Don't keep your feelings inside for too long or they might consume you. All the more, you'd better tell why you're unhappy before it strikes again. Politely express what you feel and the reasons behind your resentments.
Whenever you face a conflict, try to apply each principle. You should see improvements rapidly.
Remember this: There are thousands of reasons to enter a conflict, but none is relevant enough to lose someone you care about. Provided that you're able to get over what happened, forgive, or beg for pardon, your conflicts will always get resolved.
The genuine intention to preserve and protect our people is the base upon which conflicts get resolved.